It Wasn't Supposed to End This Way

I spent about 6 hours in my classroom last week.  Walking in to Room 503 felt a little Twilight Zone - esque...  It was like time stopped in there.  The calendar, schedule, assignments were frozen on March 13.  That was the last day that there would be students in that room, lessons would be taught, laughter would be heard, hugs would be given, eyes would roll at a bad joke, reading conversations would take place, safety and security would be known for the 2019-2020 school year.

It hurt my heart to be there.  

It wasn't supposed to end this way. 

There were memories to make.  There were lessons to be learned.  There were hugs to give and receive.  There were birthdays to celebrate.  There were field trips to take.  There were celebrations to be held.  There was a grad party for an intern to be had.  There was a final hallway walk.

I have wrestled through SO many emotions since March 13.  Sadness.  Anger.  Questioning.  Depression.  Heartache.

Kids' belongings are bagged up.  The classroom is packed up for summer.  Distance teaching/learning continues for 2 more weeks.

There are so many end of year things that can't happen through distance learning.  

It wasn't supposed to end this way.

Extremes

Two days of academic elearning this week.

Two days that have felt completely different.

Tuesday felt low and sad.

Today felt high and joy-filled.

It wasn’t just me...I could see it in my kiddos.

Tuesday’s google meet lunch was quiet, almost melancholy.

Today was full of smiles, bright faces.

Tuesday we shared what we are missing.

Today we laughed at what we are enjoying.

I am finding during these strange times that the emotions need permission.  

My emotions need permission.  

My students’ emotions needed permission, on both days.  

Two days.
Two extremes.

Cool Ranch Doritos

I love Cool Ranch Doritos.  LOVE! THEM!  I never buy them for myself because I have ZERO self control when they are in my house.

I was gifted some the other day.  They showed up in a package from a former student.  I wasn't expecting a package, let alone a package with a letter, some books for my classroom, and A BAG OF COOL RANCH DORITOS.

My students, past and present, know that I love Cool Ranch Doritos.  I have a rule about Cool Ranch Doritos in my classroom.  They write to future students to tell them about Cool Ranch Doritos.  And, on a rare occasion, I will share my Cool Ranch Doritos with those students.  They know this is a BIG deal!

Something so seemingly simple brought me great joy during a rough time.

I'm eating some while I write.  They are totally crumbled, but I don't care.  Each new bite begins with a search for the chip with the most flavoring on it.    

I love Cool Ranch Doritos.